"Home"

I figured something out today that I just needed to put to words. Nathan and I have lived in half of a duplex since January. It is the first place my smaller family has had to itself. It's a nice place. It has everything I need. I really like it. In fact I might even love it. However I've always felt something very temporary about it. I know we won't be here forever and that is part of it. It is my home, but not completely and I just figured out part of why I feel that way. The only place that has been 100% home to me not only is the place where my larger family and I lived and where I grew up, but is a place I can absolutly navigate with my eyes closed. The building itself has very few secrets from me. Every scuff on a wall or stain in a carpet or irregularity in the woodwork is part of the house that I know so well. I could probably walk though this place with my eyes closed, but it would be a test full of uncertainty. All of the little dents and holes are a part of someone elses experience. While I've seen them before, they aren't part of a familiar whole. I think now that I've realized this, it might be easier to forgive the house for my not knowing it better. Nathan is sleeping, so I will stop clacking at the keyboard.

Doo do doot doot doot doo doo

I have the song "Seven Nation Army" lodged in my brain. It makes me feel like I should be doing something really bad ass. Like defending all of my coworkers from a chainsaw weildng lunatic whose Medicaid we just cancelled while armed with nothing but my keen psychological skills, with which I show him that he is a worthwile person who wants nothing more than to make his own way and to get a puppy. Yeah..

Instead, I sit and consider eating for entertainment purposes. No good.