"Home"
I figured something out today that I just needed to put to words. Nathan and I have lived in half of a duplex since January. It is the first place my smaller family has had to itself. It's a nice place. It has everything I need. I really like it. In fact I might even love it. However I've always felt something very temporary about it. I know we won't be here forever and that is part of it. It is my home, but not completely and I just figured out part of why I feel that way. The only place that has been 100% home to me not only is the place where my larger family and I lived and where I grew up, but is a place I can absolutly navigate with my eyes closed. The building itself has very few secrets from me. Every scuff on a wall or stain in a carpet or irregularity in the woodwork is part of the house that I know so well. I could probably walk though this place with my eyes closed, but it would be a test full of uncertainty. All of the little dents and holes are a part of someone elses experience. While I've seen them before, they aren't part of a familiar whole. I think now that I've realized this, it might be easier to forgive the house for my not knowing it better. Nathan is sleeping, so I will stop clacking at the keyboard.
posted by Bridget @ 8:08 PM
7 comments
7 Comments:
g'mornin bridget :o) Daisy and I are pretty much in the same boat, but I suppose I haven't stopped to think of it that much.
I certainly do not feel at home in this little apartment of mine and Seth's. On a sadder note, the house I grew up in sits empty, with all of my family's stuff in it, and also no longer feels like home because so much has changed, it has been rented out previously, etc. I would say that the location that feels the most like home is my mom's house in Florida, where I lived for three years. It's where my pets are, and my mom, stepdad, and I redid the whole house to be the way we wanted it. That's where my childhood bedroom furniture is. It's where I think about going when I want to go home, even though my dad lives 30 miles away.
I think that it's different when you own a home. Especially when you pick out what goes into that home. This place feels like my home because we picked the carpet, the color, everything and I'm constantly trying to make it better and more MINE.
I remember that "this isn't home feeling" though.
-Katie
You know, I think I settle into "home" more easily. I can certainly see how you feel, because I don't think I've ever felt about home as I did in the house I grew up. However, I think if it has my stuff, and my mess in it, it's home :)
There exists a measurement you can use to determine where home is.. I think you know it.
love you.
-Rick
That was beautiful!
And I love your home. It's been the site of many nice memories in my past as well :o)
Hey, I don't want you to be left out on my diary, but I can't handle the crazies over there anymore.
You can still read me on Livejournal though, everything is set up so anyone can read. My name there is barefootmomma.
-Katie
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