Christmas Eve Eve Eve

One year and ten hours ago from right now, my brother was still alive and laughing. Did you know that he was laughing in the hour before he died? He was smiling when he died too. That was just like him though, generally a happy person and laughing in the face of death. Take that, death. Mom, Dad, and I just finished decorating the christmas tree and when it was all done, we just sat around in the dark with the christmas tree glowing in the corner, just talking. Most of it was about Michael. It was really nice just to sit and talk to them without the tv or anything noisy on. Michael loved christmas trees. When he was little he used to roll himeslf around (he couldn't crawl) until he was under the christmas tree and he's just look up through the branches at the lights. I didn't know he did that until fairly recently. I remember doing the same thing when I was little. I still do it. That might be part of what I love about christmas trees. They're just so peaceful. I miss him so much. We had a good cry together in the hallway looking at the pictures of him. He had a hard road. He was close to death more times than most of us were really comfortable with. But he was so happy. He would fall horrendously ill more than most, but he would smile, and laugh, and cheerfully chew on his fingers. That's more than I can say for some people that are a lot more healthy than he was. He was so strong. I hope I'm that strong. My kids won't ever know him. I always thought they would. He taught me so much. I'd hoped that he'd be there to teach them too.

Kelley, I love you.